So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your cock deserves a montage
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
