Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You work out of a Hotel?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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