Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
