I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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