Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
