Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
