Someone shit on the floor
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
