btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
