see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
