we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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