you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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