Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
