I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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