When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
