Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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