i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
