You're a womanizer and a bitch.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
