i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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