you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
