I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
