She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
