To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
