you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
