I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
