Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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