Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
