so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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