saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
