I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
