i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
