what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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