Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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