i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
