it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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