i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Success! We fucked roommates!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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