You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
