Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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