He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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