I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
