Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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