I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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