honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
