What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
