get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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