so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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