Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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