I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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