idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
false alarm, still single
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