I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
