Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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