Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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