Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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